Received a solicitation from Amex yesterday for a Gold Card.

Now, in my humble opinion, the classic “Quite frankly” Amex letter is one of the all time great pieces of direct response copywriting.  Lost count of how many times I’ve written it out longhand.

So it was with a great sense of disappointment…

…that I read the letter I received in the mail.

For a start, the top third of the letter was almost blank, having only the Amex logo and a picture of a card.

The “headline” was…

“Don’t be left behind on rewards points.”

Sigh.

This is what the great Clayton Makepeace calls a “Faux Benefit” headline – a product feature masquerading as a benefit.

Allow me to explain with Clayton’s “forehead slap” test.

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, sat up in bed and slapped yourself on the forehead and said…

“Oh no!  I’m being left behind on rewards points!  I’ve got to get a new credit card right now!”

No?  Didn’t think so.

I could be wrong of course…but I think this headline sucks.

Next, the salutation…

“Dear Householder”.

Need I say more.  Personalisation? Oh, I forgot, Amex are getting desperate in their marketing and doing a completely untargeted mailing.

Then we have the opening paragraph…

“If you’ve ever wondered why some people manage to enjoy more holidays, then the answer could be right in front of you – a credit card with more rewards.”

…etc etc.

Now if you’re wondering where you’ve read “If you’ve ever wondered”…

…well, it’s a swipe from the famous “Wall Street Journal” letter.

Nothing against swiping…done properly.  But I would have expected a little more from Amex, a company that was once at the forefront of direct marketing.

I won’t go over the rest of the letter.  It’s just…very poor.

Now, I could be completely wrong, of course.  The rewards points angle could be exactly what’s needed to hit the spot.

So please feel free to chip in your 2 cents and leave a comment.

P.S. Clayton’s “forehead slap” test is just one of the gems contained in his “Two Hours To More Profitable Sales Copy” book.  It’s not cheap, but it’s a goldmine of tips, techniques and strategies for copywriters.  I haven’t been organised enough to get an affiliate link but there’s a link to Clayton’s site on the right hand side of the page where you can get more details.